My Dog Has to Pee

She really does. So this will be short. After all, you can not expect me to start blogging again and be consistent or funny or make any sense at all, can you? If you are stumbling around for an answer, it is no.

So, I was over at Chase’s blog reading about her wedding preparation and all the anticipation of the big day. It made me REALLY glad I did not blog while planning my wedding because mine would not have been so sunshiney and full of fun. Mine was a constant roller coaster of crazy. Not my crazy either…other people’s crazy. I can’t talk about it out right on here because god forbid someone who drove us crazy (and people, they know who they are) reads it. We had some boundary issues and I can tell you that I came out of it with a completely ruined relationship with one of Jason’s family members. We had a tough time but the day was beautiful and really fun. We made sure it was because we did not think of anyone except ourselves for the whole day. The whole wedding was for other people so we made sure that once the “I dos” were done, we partied and just concentrated on what we wanted to do. It was awesome.

Married life is pretty much exactly the same as it was before we were married (we have lived together for 5 years, how much really is going to change?). Except now…I don’t close the bathroom door when I have to pee in the middle of the night…

***And yes, I did want my second post in a year to start and end with a sentence about “pee”.  Ease in, people, eaaaasssssee innn.

Now That I am Confident No One Reads This Anymore…

I can now return. Really, it wasn’t because everyone and my mother was reading it but just well, I had a lot of other stuff to do. A LOT of other stuff.

Let’s see here, what has changed in a year? Hmm, let’s see, lets see..well, Jason and I are now living in downtown Philly. It’s nice. We walk to our favorite neighborhood coffee shop, walk to grocery stores, cab it out at night so no one has to drive…honestly, it’s fan-freakin-tastic.

What else? Hmm, I lost 20 lbs…yeah, 20 lbs bitches. That’s right. You ask how? I got up off my lazy ass and exercised…and I have to admit…ate slim fast bars for lunch. Hey, whatever works, right? Now I just have 10 more lbs to go and once I get there, it’ll be time to procreate! Then, I’ll have to starve myself all over again.

Gosh, well, I am also a student again. In a masters program concentrating in Marriage and Family Therapy at the moment. That’s fun and new, no more accounting! Thank the lord baby Jesus.

Oh yeah! And this happened:

That’s right!

Things I Learned on Friday Night

1.  If you are getting free drinks, you are beholden to then waste them by pouring them all over the bar.

2.  6 Blue Moons=increased pool playing skills.

3.  When I drink, my opinion is the only one that counts.

4.  When you haven’t had sex in awhile, be aware that your significant other may decide that the extremely loud request for sex in the middle of a bar in front of all of your friends is totally appropriate.

5.  Frohawks are stupid.

6.  There is someone in this world besides Jason that considers me their favorite person and all I had to do was laugh at her jokes.  Sweet.

7.  I worry way too much about Jason’s friends having fun when I am out with them.

8.  My friend Lila’s boyfriend is the only grownup that I know.

9.  The girl that was Jason’s first time was “hot” and “young”.  Awesome.  Could have gone on without that knowledge.

10. I need a job for more reasons than just money.  I miss people.

This Is A Poop Song

Cutesy nicknames have always boggled my mind.  When people would date and call each other goofy nicknames, I would have to keep myself from barfing all over them.  Now, let me stress that I have no problems whatsoever with regular nicknames.  I nickname people all the time.  For example, Chase is “Slutty McWhoreyface”, Karl is “Loverdoodle”, Hilly is “Hillylicious”, and Nicole is “Sexy Butterbean”.  See, those are fun nicknames for two reasons: a)I don’t actually call them any of those names and b)I’d like to.

For some reason it used to sicken me to even think of someone giving me a cutesy nickname.  It reminded of that guy I hooked up with when I was nineteen who thought baby talk was a turn on.  This was before “Sex In The City” warned men everywhere that baby talk=no booty.

The closest I ever came to a nickname when I was dating someone was Wolf when we were still bitty teens.  I called him “hun” once.  When he looked at me like his eyes were going to burst from his head, I recanted and said that I said he was “fun”.

Jason, on the other hand, has forced me to give up this cutesy nickname ban.  He is the KING of cutesy nicknames.  He also doesn’t know how to keep these nicknames private.  For example, for a while my name was “Debbie Snugglebunny”(appropriate because I do like to snuggle and have teeth like a bunny).  He put my nickname in his email so everyone that got mass emails from him also saw that he sent email to a “Debbie Snugglebunny”.  I was horrified.  People teased him and he laughed it off.  I, on the other hand, was being called “Snugglebunny” by strangers.  Wasn’t so funny to someone who was opposed to cutesy nicknames.

As the years passed, our nicknames have changed but Jason has been fabulous about keeping those names under wraps.  Recently though, he has been slipping again.  So much so, that I am willing to tell you our nicknames on here because, frankly, you are the only people who don’t know.  Since we have been engaged, we call each other “Mr Poops” and “Mrs Poops”.

The nicknames have nothing to do with how much we in fact “poop”.  A couple of years ago, my friend, Lila started calling people “pups”.  I thought it was cute but one day I called someone “pups” and they said “did you just call me Poops?”.  I thought it was funny so I said yes.  It caught on.  So I started calling people completely inappropriate versions of feces.  When Jason and I got engaged, he started calling me “Mrs”.  Somewhere “Poops” worked it’s way in.

Jason has now leaked it to the public.  The first time was when we were traveling across the country.  I started to notice that when we ordered at a restaurant, he would say “Go ahead, Mrs Poops” in front of the waitress.  Whatever.  People I didn’t know knew our cutesy secret, so what.  Then we were staying with our friends in North Carolina, we were eating dinner and all of a sudden I heard, much to my embarrassment, “Can you pass the chicken, Mrs Poops?”.  Both of our friends didn’t stop laughing for 10 mins.  They now also call me “Mrs Poops”.  He throws it around everywhere.  My parents call me “Mrs Poops”, I’m surprised the dog doesn’t call me “Mrs What I do in the living room when you aren’t in the house”.

So there it is.  Mrs Poops.  That’s me.

*You may have noticed that this is, in fact, not a poop song.  If you don’t watch The Sarah Silverman Program then you don’t get it.  You really should get it so you should watch The Sarah Silverman Program.  And no, I am not working for The Sarah Silverman Program because they banned me for stalking her and asking her to have my babies.

Laugh Out Loud Wednesday

You have to have your volume on when you click through to this site.  I promise you won’t regret it!

 http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/

It’s Freaking COLD here

Ok, ok, so I took a loooooonnnnnnngggggg break.  Jason and I have had an eventful two months.  We went across the country, went to Jamaica(yay yay yay!) and are at the present time STILL living with my parents.  Did you hear me???  STILL LIVING WITH MY PARENTS!  Hence why I have been MIA.  I can’t get 5 seconds alone to think about writing on this thing. 

We found an apt right away at the beginning of Jan but the guy didn’t pick us(insert saddy mcsadface here) sooooo we are still looking.  I have some requirements though so that makes it extra slow going.  We spent 4 years in our last apt and didn’t even bother to really decorate because we thought we were going to move.  Both of us didn’t really like the apt but it was cheap and convenient so we stayed.  For 4 years.  This time since we know that we will be in Philly for at least two years so we want something we both will enjoy living in.  Jason wants 2 bathrooms(cause he poops like every 5 seconds).  I want hardwood floors and an outdoor space for Miranda.  We also are only really looking in one area of the city.  So, yeah, my fiance and I are living with my parents at 31.  Rock on.

I haven’t found a job yet.  See, this is why I haven’t been writing…there is absolutely no momentum to my life right now.  I am just kind of in this holding pattern until I get a job and a place.  I have been studying for the GRE(does anyone remember geometry because I sure as shit do not) and helping the rents around the house(to make myself feel like I am not actually mooching off of them).  This is not filling my days though.  It’s all a bit depressing at the moment.

I am going to post my pics soon of our trip across the country and Jamaica as soon as I can find the connector thingie ma bob to my digital camera.  Can’t wait to talk about something a little more upbeat on this here blog. 

Happy 2007!

I Can’t Breathe or at least I believe I can’t most of the time

This last week has been BRUTAL.  I have been trying to get “back to normal” but it’s been a struggle.  I went back to work Monday.  Work went a little something like this:

11am: Stumble into office an hour late due to waking at 5:30am to take steroids and falling back to sleep somewhere around 7.  Then not being able to drag my ass out of bed until 9:30am.

11:30am: Call in co worker to “talk to me” because I just ate some hot cereal that I may or may not be deathly allergic to.  Please note Epi Pen was in hand whole time.

12pm: Stupid computer isn’t downloading correctly and IT people are busy busy busy, so while on hold I research how many things I could be allergic to and how many people die from anaphylactic shock.

1pm: Stupid computer thingy STILL isn’t downloading correctly so I start to think about what the hell is safe to eat for lunch.

1:15pm: Can’t do shit because computer has rendered my job useless which is lovely because now I have more time to OBSESS over what I am going to eat for lunch.  Yay.

2pm: Order out Thai Chicken Yellow Curry.  Of course, perfectly logical considering Thai dishes are famous for nut dishes.

2:01pm: Proceed to have 2^nd panic attack of the day.  Luckily someone in the office has had them before and I was able to calm down.

My computer finally started to be able to download those damn TPS reports or whatever so I could concentrate on work until I had to go home.

I would take any amount of pain in the world to get rid of these things.  I can’t imagine how some people around me have dealt with them their whole lives.  I thank god mine didn’t start until I was 28.

It’s not really a comfort though….when they are consuming me.

Stressed Out

This morning I had a panic attack. I say had but I really should say having as I am still fighting it off. It’s better but I still feel weakness in my arm and I can feel the adreniline is still coursing through my veins. My mind is racing as is my heart. Ahh, panic attacks.

I took off from work today because I thought Jason had off from work and since we haven’t spent a whole day together in God knows how long, it would be nice to do so. Unfortunately, Jason did not have off today so now I am home alone watching some random Martin Sheen movie from the 80s. In it, a young woman had a heart attack and I have some arm weakness from exercising so it set off one of the worst panic attacks I ahve had in a couple of years. I have been doing pretty well with them but I guess the stress of moving, getting married and trying to change my career has finally caught up with me. Those are a lot of life stressors at once. Just when I thought I had a handle on panic, it comes back to bite me in the ass.

Karl Is Insane

But it’s his birthday so please go on over and take a gander at his site today. He did “Birthday Dares” all week long.  He even went sky diving…no amount of daring could make my ass go sky diving, he’s a brave soul.  Crazy, but brave.

I’m Learnding

Yes, I have been gone. For awhile. I kept looking at the blog and my bloglines feeling like I needed to be concentrating on other things for awhile. It is true. There is a world outside of the internet. I have learned many things in my time away. Here are just a few:

1. I have become quite the loser. I am actually a little sad that Big Brother All Stars is over. I was pissed Boogie won. I miss Will and Janelle. Oh, look, I’m over it. I won’t even remember who these people are in a few months.
2. Stress+Alcohol+Cigarettes=neverending horrible heartburn that won’t go away even after consuming half a bottle of TUMS. Breathing in poison sucks.

3. Relationships are hard. Especially when you are in one with me.

4. People, I don’t have the time nor the energy to do the TV blog but trust me on this. Forget The Class. Forget Vanished. Please for the love of God let us all be able to forget Celebrity Duets. Do watch: The Nine, Six Degrees, Standoff(I love Ron Livingston) and Studio 60.

5. I love Mastercard commercials:

Coast to Coast Google Stalking: $0

Classmates.com Gold Membership: $9.95

Your friend emailing you this picture of a college crush dancing around in an oompa loompa costume at 34 years of age:
PRICELESS! (it’s ok, he’s still cute even with green hair.)

6. Someone will probably have to commit me when my dog dies(which she won’t, ever because I’m taking her to the Pet Sematary)

7. I really really really hate Blogger. It has the worst editing software ever. EVER.

8. I have become emotionally attached to most of the bloggers that I read. So much so, that this hiatus from reading blogs for the last 2 weeks has made me miss them.

9. My voice lessons are working out so well that I know I will sing in public again…but I still may have to be slightly intoxicated to do it.

10. When I know I am leaving somewhere I tend to pull away from everyone. It sucks. I need to stop doing that.

11. There is a reason why people call it “Crackberry”.

12. Whitney divorcing Bobby is like finding out Santa Claus is a crack addict.

13. Years of being out of school have rendered me virtually retarded. The GRE may as well be in Chinese.