I Am Already Confusing My Future Children (and it’s not because of all the drugs)
I was reading random blogs today and stumbled onto a blog called JewishyIrishy. I then saw a book that the blogger edited entitled “Half/Life: Jew-ish Tales from the Almost, Not Quite and In Between”. It’s a compilation of stories written by those with the experience of being half Jewish and half Christian. I knew that by marrying a Jew, my children would indeed have that unique question in their heads about which religion to ultimately follow. When I saw this book, I felt I needed to buy it. After all, I will be producing children with this particular issue. It never occurred to me that they would feel “half” of something. What the summary provided was a glimpse into a struggle to feel a part of the Jewish faith and not just a half of it.
Look, I am not naive, I have been questioning my consistent choice to date Jewish men my whole adult life. When I would spot someone from across the room that I was attracted to, at some point or another one of my friends would say “I just found out he’s Jewish, how do you do that?”. The fact is, I was never consciously looking for someone Jewish. I mean, why would I? I was raised on Christian music, I went to Sunday school, church camp, and read my bible every night. Why the hell would I go and seek out someone who didn’t share my beliefs and faith? In college I distinctly remember being frustrated that I was constantly finding myself attracted to Jewish men. My college didn’t have very many Jewish male students yet I probably dated half of them.
Don’t get me wrong I have a lot of respect and admiration for the Jewish religion. I have never been a Christian that understood how anyone who wasn’t Christian was going to hell or went along proclaiming everyone needed to be converted for their own good. Just the opposite, frankly. We both believe in the same God, right? We just think Jesus was more than a really good guy.
By the time my parents sat me down for a heart to heart about what it meant to actually marry someone Jewish, I had read up a little on the subject of interfaith marriages. I had spectacular answers when they asked me questions until the subject of children was raised. Deep down my hope was that my husband would just let our children be raised Christian. I kept that to myself though as to not alarm the guy I was dating who looked at our Christmas tree and said “There will never be one of those in my house”. Fast forward 10 years to this guy marrying a Christian girl. So much for no Christmas trees in his house. Maybe he just calls them Hanukkah bushes.
Honestly I should have realized then that Jews wouldn’t just “give up” their religion any more than I would. As a compromise Jason and I have agreed we will incorporate both into our children’s lives. It looks like they are likely to be more affected by our choice then I had imagined. It will be confusing for all of us for awhile I guess but we will muddle through and do the best we can. Maybe I’ll even have to keep this book so I can pass it on when the time is right. Just so they will know that yes, they are half Jewish and half Christian but they aren’t and never will be alone.
Bec Says:
Hanukkah bushes… giggle. Hopelessly and wonderfully agree.
wendy boucher Says:
I have lots of friends in mixed religion marriages. The kids always turn out all right. You’re smart to let them know that they aren’t the only kids out there with the same or similar backgrounds.
Dawn (webmiztris) Says:
i don’t know if you watch “War at Home”, but they had an episode about this very subject a couple of weeks ago…it was pretty funny.
Mocha Says:
You’ll be surprised (if you’re not already) at the numerous similiarities between the two faiths. Especially when you do a Passover dinner. Wow. I couldn’t believe how close they were. Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out.
So, ummm….. do you.
Rhea Says:
I think your kids will be fine. Lots of couples recognize two religions and do fine. There was probably an Oprah show on this that you could watch.
Janet Says:
I always thought I was going to inevitably wind up with a Jewish guy too considering most of my town is full of em, but it didnt turn out that way. The book is a good idea though. Most children I’ve known who have lived life in the middle just get happy they get double the presents during holidays:)
Diana Says:
Hey debbie! This is Diana, Nicole’s friend, ex-mtv, girl with cute little boy, Zeke’s lover? Got me now? Good. Just wanted to make sure. Anyway, been reading your blog from time to time and 1. you are a great writer, 2. really touch on some funny shit 3. I wish I would’ve been reading earlier one! Well, my comment for this post is that I am, in fact, the product of a catholic/ born -again chirstian Latin mother and a really-not-into-the-whole-jewish-thing Jew Dad. Can we say I live with extraordinary amounts of guilt? Yes we can. But we can also say that like your intentions, I was exposed to both sides of the court, and appreciate both sides. While my “confirmed” faith is catholic, i lean towards what I feel is right which is ususally somewhere in between all those crazy religions. Your kids will be fine, cause they will be loved, and in the end, thats all that friggin matters.