Cured Mess
Yippee! I woke up this morning and I am back to at least 95%. Thank god. That was so gross and nasty that I thought Chase was going to have to stay in the bathroom of our hotel room to get any sleep because of my coughing. Um, well, I am not sleeping in there. She is used to sleeping in bathrooms anyway. She used to have to crash in McDonalds bathrooms all the time during her meth whore days.
ANYWAY, now I leave for BlogHer Friday night and I have to rush to do everything I need to do before I leave. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day. I must get a manicure and pedicure because both hands and feet look a hot mess. I hate manicures. I really do. I only get them on very special occasions because when people file my nails, it makes me nauseous. It is the equilvilent to nails on a chalkboard for me. ICK. Also, I can never wait until the damn polish dries, yes I am THAT impatient. I end up messing it all up and taking it off when I get home. So I end up paying 7.00 for the pleasure of being tortured. Awesome. Can’t wait.
Next, Jason and I have to go clothes shopping tomorrow night. I have literally NOTHING to wear since I refuse to buy myself nice clothes being at the weight I am. I have been living in Target workout clothes. I can not go to BlogHer in Target workout clothes. People will have enough reasons to point and laugh. I am actually dreading clothes shopping because I know the size I am going to have to buy. You know, I keep thinking if I had children I could say, “Well, I was pregnant and I just haven’t been able to take the weight off”. I don’t have any excuse except one I won’t say(antidepressants) and one that really doesn’t hold any weight(heh heh) because I only gained 5 lbs from quitting smoking. Do you think anyone would believe I gave birth to this:
Well, I figure when people are pulling out pictures of their kids, I could pull out a picture of my skinny self AND Miranda. THAT WAY they could see how hot I used to be and I would have a loving beautiful reason not to be as hot. She kind of looks like me right?
I am kidding because I know these wonderful women won’t give a flying shit about Target workout clothes or whether I am hot. They’ll all be high and drunk by the time I get there anyway.
Karl Says:
Hell, I already know you’re hot. Screw everybody else. It’s you, Chase, and me all the way. And yeah, you’re coming out Friday night? We’ll all be wasted. Drink on the way.
Miss Britt Says:
are you SURE you’re feeling better? because I can’t imagine a mani/pedi being anything short of bliss. Hmm…
and I think every woman should always carry with her a picture of herself at her hottest, thinnest and tannest. Mine is on my key chain. And refigerator. And the t-shirt I had made (ok, not really a t-shirt…)
Have a blast!
Chase Says:
Pfffft.
Like I’m REALLY letting you into MY hotel room. Skank.
Hey. Guess what? I get on a plane in 17 hours and I still have to pack, get a manicure, shave, pluck, beautify, shop for clothes, and get some anti-skank spray (so you don’t come close to me).
Think I can pull it all off??
(I say, still sitting here on my ass, doing NOTHING)
Glad you’re feeling better, hoochiecakes!