Other Bloggers inspire me
So, it can’t all be about Chase even though I love her. Her posts consistently make me look at my own blog and wonder how I can write better. CP wrote an amazing post about NYC today that I think everyone should read, click here. I’ve been reading CP for awhile but just recently added her to my everyday list. She’s hilarious and seems to have such an old soul. I just really dig her writing. Anywho, she inspired me to write about my own love story with The Big Apple.
My father grew up in a section of Brooklyn called Red Hook. Red Hook was not a great place to live back then(you know, compared to the million dollar condos that are there now). It was basically a poor Irish immigrant neighborhood, most of the residents worked at the Brooklyn Navy Yard nearby. My father actually used to SWIM in the Hudson River(which even back then was just sludge masking as a river). The stories my father has relayed about his life in Brooklyn were pretty depressing. I mean these people were extremely poor and he had to be one tough cookie to survive it. Much different than my sunny suburban upbringing outside of Philadelphia. Needless to say, my dad could not wait to get out of Brooklyn. So much so that he enlisted in the Air Force right out of high school and never ever looked back.
I, on the other hand, grew up being in love with New York. My father’s side of the family all stayed in New York. We used to go to my uncle’s in Long Island for Thanksgiving every year. I would be in the backseat craning my neck the moment my mother said “Deb, I see the city!”, which meant she would see the first glimpse of the World Trade Center. It was the only part of the ride where I was allowed to take off my seatbelt. I would peer over the front seat waiting for the city to come into view. I remember the feeling in my stomach, the excitement of seeing the city and dreaming about all that went on it. When I was about 11, I told my parents when the city came into view that I was going to live there someday. My father visibly winced. My mother laughed. Unfortunately for both, I had meant what I said.
I moved to New York in October 1999. My friend, April, was a production accountant living in Brooklyn and I had worked with her on a film in Philly that spring. The first week in October I packed a small bag,I told my mom that I was going to visit April and see if I could get a job there. I guess my mother didn’t think I would actually find one but I found a temp job the second day and on the third, began looking for an apartment. I called my mother a week later and told her I found a job and a place to live. She started to cry and pleaded “but I thought you were just going to visit!”. My previous job had allowed to me to save $3000 which I was able to put towards an apartment. So, on November 1, 1999, I moved into an apartment in…the Cobble Hill section of Brooklyn. Literally 10 mins drive from Red Hook where my father grew up. My father drove up to drop off my stuff, as we were carrying loads of boxes up to my third floor walkup he looked at me and said “I did everything I could to get out of this place and now you have done everything you could to get in”.
My dad’s words were true. I had dreamed of living there my whole life and there I was. The energy was intoxicating. I was 24 living in a huge city where I only knew four people. I felt free. My temp job was on Madison Ave and 61st, I was the receptionist for the Editor in Chief of Architectural Digest. I was getting paid $10/hour in the wealthiest part of the city with the wealthiest people in New York walking in and out of the office all day. It was strange but I didn’t mind one bit. After all, I was in New York.
As time went on, I started to feel a little let down. New York was supposed to change my life. It was supposed to transform me. It didn’t. I was still dorky weird me just a dorky weird me living in New York. At a certain point, I started to get lonely. I still loved the city but none of my friends lived in my neighborhood. A few were even over an hour away as they lived uptown. Loneliness began permeating my dreams of the glamorous life I was supposed to be living. I was alone in a big city that was supposed to be my savior and I was finding out quickly that the dream was going to have an end. Weekends were spent on my futon eating Ben and Jerrys, watching Sex and The City which didn’t help my already dreary mindset. There were four gorgeous women living the life I was supposed to!
Finally, depression set in. I went to therapy and slowly came back out of the black haze. I started to get out more and make the effort to see my friends. I even made some new ones. Then I came to Los Angeles and saw Jason for the first time in 2 years. We were friends since high school and I hadn’t seen him until I came out to visit. He looked good. Really good. We had always gotten along and I loved him as a friend. I always wished that I was attracted to him because he could make me laugh more than anyone in my life ever had. Finally I was attracted to him but he lived in LA and I lived in NYC. I had to make a decision. In a previous relationship, I fell in love with someone and they lived far away. Consequently, we broke up and I ended up in love with him for a long long time after that. It was torture and it sucked for both of us. I couldn’t let that happen again. I had to go for it.
In December of 2000, I left New York to move to Los Angeles. I moved knowing it was temporary. I knew that someday I would get back. It did let me down but I had childish expectations and lucky for both of us, I grew up.
On September 11, 2001 I was in bed sleeping with Jason when my room mate blasted into my room at some ungodly hour. He looked frazzled and confused, “I’m really sorry to wake you guys but the World Trade Center is on fire!”. We flipped on my little TV just in time to see the second plane hit Tower 2. We, like everyone else, couldn’t leave the TV all day. I couldn’t stop crying after I saw that plane hit. I just kept thinking of my mother turning around in the car “I see the city!”, knowing that any second I, too, would see the towers that caused that feeling of excitement in my stomach.
I went back in December 2001. I rode the train up from Philadelphia and like in the car, I missed the towers. I looked around at the other passengers as I sat silently crying as the city came into view. The woman next to me, looked at me and put her hand on mine “This is your first time seeing it, huh?”. I guess she had seen many faces like mine. I went to the site and I couldn’t believe how empty it felt. No one was there anymore. You could feel no one that died there was still there. Their spirits weren’t hanging around. It was almost like a big blanket was lying over the site. Suffocating everyone that came near it. You couldn’t even breathe the sadness and pain were too much.
I will be moving back next year. This time I am bringing Jason with me. I have never lived in this New York. The New York that has lived through 9/11 and has been on “high alert” since that day. I’m not scared or nervous to move back either. I am as excited as the day I left Philadelphia when I was 24. I am ready. I am ready to go back home.
*P.S. I am going to save my full 9/11 story for 9/12 as I am doing a tribute to a victim of 9/11 on 9/11. It is a really great project, if you are interested in writing a tribute to a victim of 9/11, click here and volunteer!
*P.P.S. It’s too late for me to read through this again so if it’s unreadable, let me know…k,thanx, bye.
ABlondeBlogger Says:
Oh great…here I thought this was going to be a post about blogs you love, and surely a tribute to moi, but noooooooo.
LOL! You know I’m totally kidding.
Your father used to swim in the Hudson? Oh my gosh! How did you not end up with birth defects?
I grew up on the Chesapeake Bay and we swam in it all the time. It was Heaven.
But now, it’s just so gross you don’t even want to put your toes in it.
My husband was born in Queens…Flushing Hospital and grew up on Long Island. He has the same passion for NY that you do.
My daughter sounds JUST like you, too. She swears she’s going to live in NY when she grows up and is in love with the city.
I’m doing the 9/11 tribute too. It’s so moving to be assigned a person with an actual face and name. Makes it even more real.
3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) Says:
Very touching post Deb. I have never even been to New York City, but you had me feeling that wisful pain, at not seeing the twin towers…
I’ll look forward to reading the rest of your 9/11 story on 9/12. I also have signed up to pay tribute to a victim of 9/11. And yes, I think it is an amazing project, and hope we fill out that list of victims twice over, if not more.
The ironies in life, always make me smile. The fact that your dad worked so hard to get out of, you worked so hard to become part of, that’s how life works a lot of the time.
3T
Chase Says:
Lovely post, dear. I’m so very excited for you moving back to your city. I’m sure it’s waiting for you with open arms.
And it IS all about me, dammit.
Mr. Fabulous Says:
I love NYC. I have never lived there, but when I lived in Western Mass. it was only a three hour drive and we went there often.
NYC is one of the few places I would consider living if I ever lost my mind and wanted to leave Florida. The city is so ALIVE!
When are you moving next year? I selfishly ask that because we are going to LA in February and I am planning to email you about the best things to do out there
Dawn (webmiztris) Says:
wow, great post, deb! I’m dying to go to NYC - it’s not even all that far from here, yet I haven’t gotten around to it yet.
I used to dream of living in the city, but now I realize I couldn’t handle the insane traffic and noise, etc. I just want to go for like a week and party my ass off…lol
kel Says:
Someday I’ll visit NY. I wonder what post 9/11 NY will be like for you?
Deb_LA Says:
Blonde-LOL! Yeah I guess the title is a bit misleading but I wanted to give credit where credit was due. I went in the Chesapeake once when I was little! I’m so glad you are doing the 9/11 tribute too!
3T-Oh 3T, you have to go! I’m glad you liked my post! I know, the ironies are humorous. Now in his old age though he talks about his old neighborhood nonstop with a big smile on his face!
Chase-First comment with no name calling! Really? Well, I guess after that post you didn’t feel right finishing off with whorebag, huh, whorebag?
Mr Fab-Oh! I can email you tons of suggestions! We are moving back to Philly after my job is over in November and then NYC later next year.
Dawn-you, my dear, I know would have a blast!
Kel-Well, you must go, at least once. I wonder what it will be like too…
Mindi Says:
Deb,
What a wonderful and touching story about coming full circle back to NY. I hope you will be moving to Brooklyn again?!
CP Says:
Awwwwwww, Deb! Thanks for the mention! This was a GREAT NYC tribute as well. Any stories about New York are wonderful in my eyes.
I live in Florihell now, but NYC will always be home.
CP.
Linda Says:
Wow. I am from Australia, but have loved NYC all my life, and (along with Paris) it is at the top of my list of cities to visit when I finally get overseas. Reading how the towers were always your mum’s first ‘glimpse’ of the city and your feelings coming back in on the train - you created such a vivid picture. Good on you for plannign to go back “home”. And long live the spirit of New York City!!!