Hey look! It’s Memory Freakin Lane!
I am reading a book called “Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood” by Koren Zailckas and it is making me nostalgic. Her description of her college years is really relatable except she was in love with alcohol and I was in love with men. Well, they were more boys then. Anyway, boys seemed to be a side trip to her whereas with me, they were the main event. I was never really “boy crazy” until college. I drank to be comfortable around people I didn’t know. I drank to have an excuse for flirting with or kissing someone I wouldn’t normally approach sober. I didn’t drink because I liked it.
The attention from boys was more intoxicating than any amount of alcohol. I thrived on it and I knew how to get it without deeply harming myself in the process. I never slept with anyone, I never had to. All I needed was that attention, moments of attention and drunken(and extremely mistaken) adoration would last me days, at least until the next weekend. I learned very early on that being a tease wasn’t so bad. I got more attention not sleeping with boys than other girls got for sleeping with them. It became a game to me. A really stupid game that after I got out of college I realized how much it may have hurt some people. Then there were some that actually deserved it. I was their karma coming back to bite them in the ass.
Of course this is not to say I didn’t do stupid things that I regretted and wished I could take back. There were moments of drunken tantrums and fights. A fuzzy morning waking up next to a boy and realizing my father was on his way to pick me up for winter break. Tons of Natural Light tears. Heaps of embarrassment due to Boones Farm deeds done the night before. College is and was a blur, as it is for many. It was fun though. Scary, but fun.
I was (and I guess still am) really proud of myself for getting through college a virgin. Um, yeah, go ahead, gasp. I was 22 when I finally let that “I’ve got to be in love” fantasy go. It was really a combo of my cousin being raped in college 5 years prior, an article I read sophomore year that 50% of college students have an STD, and being obsessed with someone who went to school 1000 miles away. Hey, what ever works, eh? A mother with two girls asked me once how I got through college without having sex hoping she could glean some magic formula to keep her children just as chaste. I told her the above and she asked me where I got that article. I told her I’m sure the statistics are even more frightening now. I have to be honest though, it was probably that exact combo that kept my virginity intact, and the article wouldn’t have had legs without the other two. I’m sure after a couple of drinks and a cute boy gazing at me, I probably could’ve reasoned my way around that article.
I didn’t have to sleep with anyone to get hurt though. I was manipulated and as emotionally battered as the next girl. I dished it out as well as took it.
In closing, I would like to give a shout out to the boys I actually remember through the booze filled fog.
Jon, Charlie, Adam and Scott: Um, look, I was a bitch. Sorry bout that. Thanks for being really sweet, bringing me flowers and not going psychotic when I was too self-involved to see how great you were(Well, except for Charlie, you went a teensy bit Fatal Attraction on me for a couple days there, partner). Don’t worry, I got mine.
Weasel and Stumpy(my friends are all cracking up right now because they know exactly who Stumpy is): Um, look, you guys were kind of asshats. I didn’t sleep with you because I was afraid you were part of that 50% with the STDs, which you probably were.
Plus, Stumpy, you were indeed “hung like a 3rd grader”(hey, buddy, those were your words, not mine!). You also were the worst kind of boring when you were sober. You should be thanking the heavens for alcohol and pot because without them, you would have no personality. Weas, I know you thought you were slick lighting those candles and putting on the “romance after dark” station, it didn’t work and I feel kind of bad about that. That was a lot of trouble for you to go through I’m sure. I realize your primary form of foreplay was probably throwing your Superman underwear in a corner and yelling “Geronimo!” while pouncing upon your lady love who was already half asleep. I did always want to tell you that you were the first person I ever wanted to bang but not date.
Whew! That was fun! We should definitely travel down memory lane more often!
Ananke Says:
My “smashed” period came in my early 20s when I discovered Long Island Iced Tea. Not because I like the taste. Yuck. It was because they got me D-R-U-N-K really fast. I can still remember the head rush. That’s about all I can remember about those days. Oh, the (missing) memories.
Janet Says:
I never really had a smashed period, though I did have a scary smashed episode once. I did something ridiculous like 22 shots in an hour and a half.
I’m lucky I’m alive to tell the tale.
Special K Says:
I was sent here thanks to Serra’s big pimpin’, and you definitely didn’t disappoint. I’ll certainly be back.
3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) Says:
Oh yes! I think Memory lane is loads of fun! To experience aND read! Thanks for sharing your party daze with us!:-)
I am amazed you held on to your virginity as long as you did! (Knowing when most of my g/f’s lost theirs) I made it until one week after my 18th Birthday, and one month after I moved into my own apartment. And I thought that was excellent! LOL
;-)3T
Deb_LA Says:
Ananke-many missing memories. I think it was fun. The next morning blew but not as much as it does now after I drink. Oy.
Janet-JC, girl! I can’t believe you are still alive! Did you need to go to the hospital?
Special K-Thanks! Come again all the time!
3T-Um, these days, that IS excellent. Most people do it before 22, I really thought I was going to be in love…um, no. That is a whole other post entirely.
Barb Says:
Oh, I remember this period–except that I was working in bars, not in school! That was a real mess. There’s an awesome book called “Drinking: A Love Story” by Caroline Knapp. She’s a really great writer.
This is NOT the life I pictured… » Blog Archive » You Hit Eternity You Will Be Set Free Says:
[…] Back to Winter Break 1994, I was dating Stumpy and had just pledged a sorority but I was kind of down because I had just switched my major from theatre to psychology. The stage fright had just sort of taken over and I didn’t know what to do so I had to switch. I remember being so sad that this was the end of my dream. I wanted to be a singer and I really thought that was what I was meant to be. So I just felt lost and afraid that if I didn’t sing then I would have to be this totally different person. I guess I sort of defined myself by singing and without it, I no longer had a definition. […]